"I don't really want to talk about it."
"What happened? Were there a lot of monsters?"
"No. Not really. Just one orc with a pointy stick. He took a couple pokes at us then wandered back to his room. I don't think his heart was in it."
"Oh. Well, were there any traps?"
"Kind of. No. I mean the door to the treasure room had an old joy buzzer tied to the handle, but that's all. I don't think the thing even worked any more."
"Ah! But there was treasure, right?"
"Just, like, socks. Seven mismatched socks. Not even +1 socks, just old wool crew socks."
"Oh."
"Yeah, man. I don't think we're going back."
1d30 Table of Unimpressive Treasures
01 - Half a ball of rubber bands
02 - 1d4 thumbtacks
03 - Handkerchief, used
04 - 1d3 empty potion bottles
05 - Book of orcish crossword puzzles, finished
06 - 1d12 socks
07 - Ring of Protection +0
08 - A flea with the proportional strength of an ant.
09 - Sickly goldfish in a glass jar
10 - Gnomish bow tie, 20 years out of fashion
11 - Zero-level bard's notebook of bad poetry about his dead cat
12 - 1d4 domestic snails
13 - Kneaded eraser, used
14 - Crude drawing of some random gnoll
15 - Coupon good for one free drink at the Cock & Titmouse Tavern, expired
16 - Softball sized wad of aluminum foil
17 - 1d8 clothespins
18 - Wool long underwear, halfling sized
19 - 1d6+1 tin pieces (10tp = 1cp)
20 - Paper mache helmet
21 - Wax holy symbol of Zed, the god of atheism (a blank disc)
22 - 2d3 used quill pens
23 - One snapped bow string
24 - Poorly stuffed dead vole
25 - 1d3 plastic swords to hold sandwiches together
26 - 2d4 broken crayons, maize colored
27 - 1d10 Gnome-a-Cola bottle caps
28 - Crumpled, half-empty pack of cigarettes
29 - Lead 23-sided die
30 - A rock with 1d4 googly eyes glued on
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